


All I Ever Wanted

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 04:53:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1806004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Faberry Week Day 4- Age Difference. Quinn Fabray fell in love for the first time when she was six years old. She just had to wait for Rachel to catch up with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Wanted

Quinn Fabray fell in love for the first time when she was six years old. The most beautiful girl she had ever seen had stood on stage and that was it for her. Quinn knew that girl was supposed to be the love of her life. She gazed at her for what seemed like hours, lighting up when the principal introduced her. Her name was Rachel Berry and she was singing the National Anthem. Quinn’s life changed from that moment on. It didn’t matter that the girl was four years older than her or that she was a girl. Quinn knew this was supposed to happen. She was supposed to see her. She would love her for the rest of her life.

\-------------

Over the next few years, Quinn saw Rachel several times. Lima wasn’t that big of a town and she got glimpses of her at the grocery store, the park and the movies. The best times were at assemblies at Frannie’s school. Rachel always sang and Quinn’s heart pounded in her chest each time she heard her. She lived for those fleeting moments when she saw Rachel. It wasn’t as often as she liked but she cherished every single time. 

Even as a child, Quinn knew she had to be careful. All of the time she’d spent learning about Rachel had taught her some things about herself as well. The way she felt about Rachel wouldn’t be tolerated by her father. He couldn’t ever know. She heard him make snide remarks about Rachel’s dads. Quinn knew she’d be in for the beating of her life if he ever found out about her. She also knew it would be better for her to forget about Rachel but she couldn’t. The way she felt when she saw her- Quinn knew Rachel was special and she wasn’t going to let her father take it away from her. 

\-------------------

When Quinn was nine, she got her first chance to actually speak to Rachel. Her heart dropped into her throat when she stepped out of school to find Rachel waiting with her sister. “Frannie, what’s going on?”

“Rachel’s working on a project with me. You’re going to stay out of our way. Got it, Kid?” Frannie ruffled Quinn’s hair playfully.

“Got it.” Quinn gazed at Rachel, unable to believe that she was actually this close to her. “I saw you in the musical last month. You were terrific.”

“Thank you. It was a small part but I’m only a freshman.” Rachel smiled. “I don’t know too many kids that like musicals.”

“Don’t get Quinn started. She’s been to every play or recital at school since she was little.” Frannie rolled her eyes.

“That’s fantastic. It’s never too early to get a musical education. Have you ever seen Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand?”

“No.” Quinn shook her head.

“You have to see it. It’s wonderful. I’ll send a copy home with Frannie. It’s about Fanny Brice.” Rachel talked the whole way to Quinn’s house, hardly aware of the girl hanging on her every word.

\---------------

That continued for the next few years. Rachel and Frannie became friends and Quinn got to know her dream girl. Every time Rachel came over to hang out with Frannie, she brought Quinn a new musical to watch. She spent time talking to the younger girl and Quinn fell even harder for her. As much as Quinn had adored Rachel from a distance, she idolized the person she came to know. Rachel was always sweet to her, taking time to answer any questions Quinn might have. It was love, Quinn knew, even if she couldn’t tell anyone. And she couldn’t. Rachel was talented and sweet and unfailingly polite. That was why Frannie was allowed to be friends with her. But she was still the daughter of an interracial gay couple and her father never forgot that. Frannie wasn’t allowed at Rachel’s house and Quinn knew if anyone ever found out how she felt about Rachel, she would catch a massive beating. She knew she had to be careful. She wanted Rachel in her life no matter what. Even if all she was to Rachel was the nerdy kid sister of her friend, it was better than nothing. Quinn wouldn’t do anything to lose that connection with her.

\------------------

There was a party in full swing inside but Quinn wanted no part of it. She sat outside by herself, enjoying the night air. It wasn’t so far into the summer that it was unbearably hot but it wasn’t too cold either. Quinn just needed a minute alone. It was Frannie’s going away party and everyone was kissing her butt. That wasn’t the nicest thought she’d ever had but she couldn’t help it. Frannie was always the perfect, angel child to her parents and now that she was leaving, it would only make things worse for Quinn. Her parents already put a ton of pressure on her. Without Frannie around, they would only have her to focus on. And Quinn knew she would never measure up to perfect Frannie. Things didn’t come easy for her like they did for Frannie. She could charm people, smile and make friends but it was work. Most of the time she’d rather be by herself, reading or watching a musical. But she knew her parents wanted a popular kid they could trot out like a show pony. And that just wasn’t her.

“Hey, Ms. Fabray. You’re missing quite a party. What are you doing out here all alone?”

Quinn looked up into Rachel’s laughing eyes and forced a smile. “I’m not really in the mood for a party right now.”

“What’s wrong?” Rachel sat down next to her, placing a hand on her thigh.

“It’s stupid, really. Selfish. I don’t want to ruin Frannie’s night.” As nice as Rachel always was to her, she didn’t want to do anything to make herself seem like a kid. “You should go back in.”

“No way, it’s nice out here.” Rachel squeezed Quinn’s thigh. “Besides, I’ve got the best company right here next to me.”

“You’re sweet.”

“I am. Now, quit avoiding and answer my question.” Rachel looked at her expectantly and Quinn caved. She’d been a sucker for Rachel as long as she could remember.

“I’m just nervous, I guess. Frannie’ll be gone and my parents will put all this pressure on me. I’m never going to be as good as Frannie. I’ll never measure up.” Quinn stared down at her lap, trying as hard as she could not to cry.

“Oh, Sweetie. You are more than good enough.” Rachel tipped Quinn’s chin so that she could look into her eyes. “You are every bit as lovable as your sister.”

Quinn scoffed. “You’re just about the only one who think so. All I ever hear is ‘Why can’t you be more like Frannie?’ Not just from Mom and Dad. Teachers, too. It’s like everyone expects me to be this Frannie clone and I’m not. I’m not her. I don’t even really want to be I just want people to love me anyway.”

“Quinn.” Rachel wrapped her arms around her. “Your parents will love you no matter what. So will your friends.”

“No. No, they won’t.” Quinn looked away, tears filling her eyes. God, she was acting like such a little baby.

“Well, I love you.” Rachel smiled when Quinn’s eyes snapped back to hers. “I think you’re wonderful.”

“Really?” Quinn asked. She knew Rachel didn’t mean it the same way that Quinn meant it but hearing those words come out of Rachel’s mouth was everything she’d ever wanted.

“Yes. I know it’s hard for you, getting compared to Frannie, but there is so much to love about you.” Rachel used her fingers to wipe away Quinn’s tears, unintentionally stroking her cheeks. “You are smart and funny and kind. You’re willing to listen to me ramble about Broadway.”

“I like listening to you talk.” Quinn ducked her head, bashful under Rachel’s praise.

“You’re one of the few who does. Even Finn didn’t like to hear me too much.”

Quinn couldn’t stop herself from making a face. Rachel’s ex-boyfriend was an idiot. And she didn’t think so because of jealousy. Even Frannie thought he was a jerk. “That’s so stupid. You’re awesome.”

“You’re just easy to please.” Rachel smiled when Quinn blushed. “But I’m serious. There’s nothing about you that’s unlovable. You could rule the school if you wanted to. Even be a Cheerio. You’re a better dancer than even Frannie.”

“Thanks. But I couldn’t be a cheerleader. The coach is insane.”

“Yes, she is. But my point is: You don’t have to be Frannie to succeed. There’s plenty to like about you.”

“Maybe.” Quinn shrugged her shoulders. That was only part of why she was upset. The rest of it would be leaving for New York in a few days. “I guess I’m going to miss you.”

“Oh. I’m going to miss you, too.” Rachel pulled a box out. “I got this for you. Kind of a going away present.”

“You’re the one who’s going away.” Quinn took the long jewelry box from her.

“I am. And I wanted to leave a little piece of me here with my favorite 13 year old. Now, open it. I can’t wait to see what you think of it.”

“Wow.” Quinn pulled out a necklace with a silver star dangling from it. “It’s so pretty. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Gold stars are my thing so I thought I’d give you something that could be ours.” Rachel watched as Quinn turned the necklace over.

“I can’t believe you gave me something so nice.” Quinn carefully handled the necklace like it was the most important thing on earth.

“You deserve it. You’re so kind, Quinn, and you’re growing up. I guess I wanted you to have something to remember me by.”

“I’d never forget you,” Quinn swore, gazing at Rachel with shining eyes.

“Of course not. I’m going to be a star.” Rachel smirked. “But seriously. You mean so much to me. I never had a lot of friends growing up but you and Frannie- You took me in. Even though I’m just a theater dork.”

“You’re not a dork.”

“Yes, I am. But you never made me feel like one.” Rachel turned Quinn around so that she could fasten the necklace around her. “I meant it before. You’re the only one who doesn’t mind me acting like myself. That means so much to me. This is just a way to say thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Quinn shivered when Rachel’s fingers brushed against her neck. “But it never felt like a big deal. I like it when you talk to me about everything.”

“I know.” Rachel turned her back around, cupping her cheek. “You’re so pretty, Quinn.”

“I am?” Quinn asked, not quite believing her. She’d spent her whole life getting compared to Frannie and never seeming to be good enough. But Rachel was the most beautiful person she knew and if she really thought Quinn was pretty, maybe she was.

“Yes. But that’s not all. You’re so different from the little girl I met the first week of Freshman year.” Rachel rubbed Quinn’s cheek and Quinn found it hard to maintain control. “You’re going to do great things and I’m sorry I’m going to miss it.”

“We can still talk sometimes, right?” Quinn asked. She thought she prepared herself for Rachel leaving but she really hadn’t.

“Of course. We’ll text and e-mail. It just won’t be the same.” Rachel brushed some hair behind Quinn’s ear. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” Quinn forced herself to stay still. Rachel was so close that Quinn could lean in and steal the first kiss she’d always dreamed of. But she knew Rachel didn’t see her that way and she didn’t want to do anything to remind her that she was so much younger than her. There was a long moment of silence before Rachel stood up, grasping Quinn’s hand in her own and pulling her up.

“We should go back inside before someone sends out a search party.”

Quinn snorted. “Wouldn’t happen. So long as Frannie’s getting attention, nobody else matters.”

“Yes, your sister is a bit of an attention whore.” Rachel kept her hand in Quinn’s, never noticing how Quinn beamed at her.

“You- You made my night, Rachel. Thank you.” Quinn ducked her head. She had grown up a lot but a part of her was still the shy girl who would be content to stare at Rachel forever.

“You’re welcome, Quinn.” Rachel kissed her cheek and led her in the house. Quinn followed in a daze, her hand touching her cheek where Rachel had kissed her.

\---------------------

The next few years passed by in a blur. Quinn grew up and became popular. It was amazing how much people liked her, although she never let herself fully believe it. She took dance classes, piano lessons and even voice lessons. She tried to keep herself busy so that she didn’t have time to miss Rachel. It worked to an extent but every night, Quinn still dreamed of Rachel. And unlike when she was a kid, these dreams were vivid. Because she wasn’t dreaming of the beautiful older girl who could sing wonderfully. She was dreaming of the beautiful older girl who was her best friend. It was a weird but Rachel leaving for New York really had turned them into friends. Instead of Rachel treating her like Frannie’s kid sister, she treated her like they were equals. Rachel texted or e-mailed her almost daily, telling all about her classes, her new friends. They even Skyped once in a while. All of it added up to Quinn falling even deeper.

Quinn knew it was crazy. Rachel might see her as a friend now but that was a lot different than a girlfriend. But she couldn’t make herself get over Rachel. She’d gone out with a few guys, hoping to feel something but none of them ever meant anything to her. Of course that was probably more about them being guys than her not being over Rachel. However, it was the only thing she could do. She knew she was a lesbian but she also knew her father would kill her if she acted on it. There was no way she could risk him finding out. She was stuck for right now. Maybe if she could find some girl she really like, she’d forget all about Rachel. But Lima wasn’t all that big and if she went out with a girl at school, it would get out. She would be out. And her father would absolutely lose his mind. She’d be lucky if the only thing he did was kick her out.

Plus, Quinn didn’t really want to be over Rachel. As much as she longed to be like Brittany and Santana, kissing and holding hands, she really couldn’t imagine doing any of the stuff with someone who wasn’t Rachel. It seemed ridiculous, even to herself, but Rachel was her ideal. Rachel had always been the person she measure everyone else against. She couldn’t envision dating someone else. So maybe it was a good thing fear of her father prevented her from going out with any girl. As long as she wanted Rachel, no one else would do.

\---------------------

It was the night of Quinn’s 16th birthday. She’d already celebrated with her family earlier. Her parents had given her a car and Frannie a necklace. Now she was all alone, waiting impatiently for Rachel to arrive. She’d planned on going out with her friends but once Rachel said she wanted to come see her for her birthday, nothing else mattered. She treasured any time she got to spend with Rachel, especially since she probably wouldn’t be at home during the summer.

Quinn jumped up when the door bell rang. Once she opened the door, she was enclosed in Rachel’s arms. “Quinn! You’re so tall!”

“I’ve been taller than you since I was 10,” Quinn said, laughing as she pulled Rachel inside.

“It seems like you’re even taller than I remembered.” Rachel looked her up and down. “You’re all grown up now.”

“I am?” Quinn blushed.

“Yes. Happy Birthday.” Rachel grabbed her for another hug.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Quinn whispered into Rachel’s ear.

“Of course I am. I couldn’t miss my favorite girl’s 16th birthday.” Rachel stroked Quinn’s back, oblivious to how Quinn leaned into the touch.

“Seeing you was the one thing I wanted for my birthday.” Quinn cringed. Why did she always say too much? She ruined everything.

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m here, huh?” Rachel tossled Quinn’s hair. “What plans do you have for tonight? I’m surprised your family isn’t here.”

Quinn led Rachel to the couch, sitting right next to her. “Frannie gave me my present when she came home a few weeks ago and my parents had some business dinner. But they got me a car.”

“I know, I saw it parked out front. Lucky girl.” Rachel patted her shoulder. “But what about your friends? Didn’t they want to take you out?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Quinn, did you ditch your friends when I said I was coming?”

“Well, I-”

“I didn’t want you to do that!” Rachel admonished her. “I wanted to be here for you but I don’t want to interfere in your life.”

“It doesn’t matter. I see Brittany and Santana all the time. And if I hung out with Puck or Sam, they’d assume it meant something it didn’t,” Quinn said, reaching out to take Rachel’s hand. “Anyway, I told you before, seeing you was what I wanted for my birthday.”

“You’re so sweet,” Rachel murmured, squeezing Quinn’s hand. “I’m glad to be here with you, I just don’t want you missing out because of your geeky friend.”

“You’re not geeky, you’re amazing.”

“You’re the amazing one. You’ve grown up so much. Just like I knew you would.”

Quinn forced herself to meet Rachel’s eyes. She always shyed away when Rachel complimented her. “You’re one of the only ones who did. School’s okay but in my family, I’m still a 2nd rate Frannie.”

“You’re not 2nd rate anything.” Rachel tightened her grip on Quinn’s hand. “Look, I’ve got your present.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Quinn said as Rachel handed her a box.

“Sure, I did. 16’s an important birthday.”

“Wow. It’s beautiful.” Quinn had a charm bracelet in her hand.

“I only put a few charms on for you. A silver star and your birth stone. I thought you’d want to pick your own charms.”

“Thank you. I love it.” Quinn threw her arms around Rachel.

“You’re welcome.” Rachel returned Quinn’s embrace. “So Birthday Girl, what do you want to do tonight?”

“Whatever you want.”

Rachel shook her head. “Uh-uh. It’s your night. There’s got to be something you want to do.”

“There’s not. My parents don’t want me driving at night yet. I don’t really like to party like my friends do. Honestly, just hanging around with you would be fine.” Quinn ducked her head, feeling like a sentimental dork.

“Oh. Well. I know somewhere we could go if you want. I’ve got my dad’s car.” Rachel grinned. “I’ll buy us some food and we can talk for a while.”

“Sounds great.” Quinn gazed at Rachel, happiness spreading throughout her body. This would be the best birthday she’d ever had.

They picked up food and Rachel drove them to the park. Quinn looked at her funny but still followed Rachel to a deserted corner. Even if it had been daytime, they still would have had this area to themselves. “What are we doing?”

“This is one of my favorite places in Lima,” Rachel said, spreading a blanket on the ground for them to sit on. “When I was a kid, getting picked on all the time, I’d come here and hide out. Dream about the day when I’d be a star.”

“And now you are one,” Quinn said, settling on the blanket next to her.

“Not quite but I’m working on it.” Rachel handed Quinn her burger, taking a salad for herself. “This was kind of my own special place. I’ve never taken anyone here before.”

“I’m honored.” Quinn looked away, feeling awkward. She’d never dreamed Rachel would share secrets with her.

Rachel laughed, causing some of the tension between them to dissipate. “It’s not really a big deal. I just- It was nice that there was one place in Lima that I could feel safe.”

“Well, it’s lovely.” Quinn glanced up at the sky. “You can see every star in the sky.”

“Mmm hmm,” Rachel muttered. “That’s the one bad thing about New York. I can’t see stars like this.”

“What’s it like, being away from here?”

“It’s everything I dreamed it would be. I thought maybe I was building it up in my mind and I’d be let down when I got to New York but it’s wonderful. I’m not the freak with two dads or the geek who loves Broadway. Sure, there’s jerks who judge me, there’s jerks everywhere. But it’s not the number one thing in my life anymore. I can be myself and not be ashamed.” Rachel looked at Quinn with happy, shining eyes.

“That sounds awesome.” Quinn returned Rachel’s happy look.

“It is.” Rachel took Quinn’s hand. “You know, it won’t be too long until you get that, too. Until you’re out of this narrow-minded town. You can go anywhere and be whoever you want to be.”

Quinn nodded. “I know. It just seems so far away.”

“It isn’t. Time goes by so fast. You’ll see.” Rachel giggled. “It wasn’t that long ago that you were a little girl, watching musicals with me. Now look at you. You’re 16 and beautiful and so smart.”

“I hope it goes fast. I can’t wait to get away from here.”

“Oh, Quinn.” Rachel pushed Quinn’s hair off of her face. “You know there’s nothing wrong with you, right? I know it’s difficult in your family to be who you are. You can’t exactly tell anyone that you’re…”

“That I’m gay,” Quinn finished. “I don’t think I’m wrong or dirty. I just- it’s hard. I can’t tell anyone else. I have to get through college before I can even think of telling my parents or I’ll get cut off.”

“You’re going to be amazed at how people flock to you, Quinn. You’re going to have girls throwing themselves at you. You’re a catch.” Rachel fought a grin at Quinn’s surprised expression.

“I don’t need a lot of girls. I just want one.” Quinn couldn’t tear her eyes away from Rachel’s. She was so pretty and they were talking like friends and Quinn was entranced.

“You’ll get one,” Rachel promised.

Quinn watched Rachel, enthralled by everything about her. This was it, this was her moment. She couldn’t stop herself. Rachel looked beautiful and Quinn had to take the chance. She pressed her lips to Rachel’s, kissing her firmly. She didn’t want to scare her away but Rachel was kissing her back. Quinn tangled a hand into Rachel’s hair, wanting to be even closer. She opened her mouth and Rachel slipped her tongue in. Quinn couldn’t stop a groan and the sound startled Rachel, causing her to back away.

“No, we can’t do this.” Rachel pushed Quinn gently away.

“It’s okay. I want to.” Quinn went to kiss her again but Rachel stood up.

“No, Quinn, you’re 16 and I’m 20. It’s wrong.” Rachel backed up when Quinn got up and tried to embrace her.

“It’s not. I love you. I always have.” Quinn held her breath, hoping desperately that she hadn’t ruined everything.

“You- you don’t mean that,” Rachel said, shaking her head rapidly. “You can’t. I’m close to you and I’m the only one who knows you’re a lesbian. You’re just confused.”

“I’m not.” Quinn stuck her lip out, determined not to back down. “I know how I feel. And you kissed me back.”

“I did. But I shouldn’t have.” Rachel risked standing next to Quinn, taking her hands. “This can’t happen. You’re still in high school. I could go to jail.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “That wouldn’t happen. I’m not going to tell.”

“We’re in two different places.” Rachel sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you but-”

“I’m not a kid!” Quinn cringed at how young she sounded. “I know what I want and it’s you. It’s always been you.”

“Listen, you’re going to meet so many girls. Girls who are right for you. But I’m not.”

“I don’t want another girl. I want you. I always have,” Quinn pleaded. “Please, Rachel. Even when I was a little kid, I knew. If I just wanted to kiss a girl, I would find a hook up or take Brittany and Santana up on their threesome offer.”

Rachel laughed despite the tension between them. “I know that you think you want this but you don’t understand what it would mean if we dated.”

Quinn spun around and stalked away. “I’m not a dumb kid.”

“No, but you’re very young.” Rachel put a hand on her shoulder and turned Quinn toward her. “And I don’t mean to treat you like your feelings don’t matter. But right now, this can’t happen. No matter how much you want it to.”

“But-”

“No.” Rachel placed a finger on her lips. “You are so very pretty, Quinn, and anyone would be lucky to be with you. But I can’t.”

“Fine.”

“Quinn-”

“Don’t try to make it better. You can’t. Just- just take me home.” Quinn clenched her jaw, trying to stem the tears that wanted to fall.

“Quinn, I’m sorry. I-” Rachel stopped when Quinn held her hands up.

“I don’t want to hear you list all the reason you don’t want to be with me. Please take me home.” Quinn looked at Rachel, ignoring the heartbreak spread all over the other girl’s face. She had to protect herself, she couldn’t worry about someone else’s feelings.

“Okay. We’ll go,” Rachel said quietly.

The ride home seemed to go on forever. Quinn stared out the window, grateful that Rachel stayed silent. There was no way she could speak without completely falling apart. She felt so stupid. What made her think that Rachel wanted her? She was still just a dumb kid. She never had a chance with her. Finally, the streets became familiar and they arrived at Quinn’s house. “Thanks for the ride and the birthday present,” Quinn said, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist.

“Wait, let’s talk about this.” Rachel put a hand on her shoulder, wincing when Quinn shrugged her away.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Quinn sighed, still looking away. “I know I made a mess of things but I can’t listen to you explain that you’re just another person in my life that I managed to disappoint.”

Rachel gasped. “Quinn, that’s absolutely not what I’m saying.”

“Whatever.” Quinn opened the door, her entire face aching from the effort it took not to cry. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

“Quinn! Quinn, please!” Rachel called after her but she didn’t stop.

Quinn made it into her house and up to her bedroom before she burst into tears. She threw herself on her bed, curling up around her pillow and crying her eyes out. She never imagined her 16th birthday would end up like this. None of this was planned, she hadn’t intended on declaring her feelings. It all just happened. And now she was devastated. The one thing she wanted most in the work was taken away from her. She lost all hope that she could ever have Rachel. She had nothing. And she just wanted to be alone.

\-----------------

After Rachel’s rejection of her, Quinn tried to keep things the same but she just couldn’t. It hurt too much. They didn’t speak before Rachel went back to New York. Rachel called and texted her but she ignored them. She answered her e-mails but they still drifted apart. The closeness they had gained was gone. Quinn hated it but she felt like it had to happen. She couldn’t pretend not to love Rachel anymore. Even though Rachel didn’t love her back, those feelings were still there. So she kept her distance. She got vague updates on Rachel’s life and gave the same back but that was it.

Without Rachel in her life, Quinn became closer with her friends at school. Brittany and Santana even introduced her to a couple of girls they knew in Columbus. She went on a few dates, shared a few kisses. It was nice but it wasn’t what she wanted. Rachel was still what she wanted. And she wasn’t going to be able to move on. She still got more excited by an e-mail from Rachel than a date with anyone else. Quinn made the decision to quit worrying about relationships and concentrate on school. She wanted out of Lima. And even without Rachel, her heart was set on New York City. It might be torture to be that close to Rachel without really being with her but she didn’t care. She would work her butt off and make it there. She just knew that she was meant to be there.

\---------------

The knock on her door came as a surprise to Quinn. Her parents had gone back to Lima, Rachel wasn’t back in the city and she didn’t know anyone else. She grabbed the baseball bat her dad had given her for protections and headed for the door. Maybe her dad had been right to be scared of her living in a big city. He hadn’t liked the idea at all but she’d convinced him that she was serious and he’d caved and paid for her apartment. And self-defense lessons. Of course, all those lessons flew out of her mind when faced with a stranger at the door. She looked through the peephole and shrieked. She opened the door. “Rachel!”

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind that Frannie gave me your address,” Rachel said shyly, even as Quinn pulled her inside.

“It’s fine. I didn’t know you were back in the city,” Quinn said, staring stupidly at Rachel. She hadn’t been this close to her since her 16th birthday.

“God, you- you look great, Quinn.” Rachel reached out to hug her but stopped.

‘Thank you.” Quinn hugged her quickly and stepped back. She didn’t want to push too much with Rachel. She’d been thinking a lot and maybe they could be friends now. It would still be awful, not being able to have Rachel the way she wanted but she was more grown up than she was two years ago. She could maybe tolerate having Rachel as a friend and nothing more.

“This is a great place you’ve got here.”

“Yeah, my dad’s terrified of me living here. He wanted to make sure I’m safe. Even if I am pursuing an unreliable career.” Quinn smiled sheepishly. “I’m still amazed he agreed to pay for school here. I thought for sure he’d say no.”

“Right.” Rachel’s smile faded. “Listen, I’m sorry I missed your graduation. I was planning on going but the show went on tour and-”

“Don’t worry about it. I was so proud when I heard you got the part. I wouldn’t have wanted you to miss out for me.” Quinn shook her head. “Besides, I didn’t really expect you to show up. The last time we saw each other, I acted ridiculously.”

“No, you didn’t. I understand what you did.” Rachel blew out a breath, fidgeting nervously. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Can we not? I think we can be friends again but not if I’m reminded of how stupid I was.” Quinn turned around and tried to collect herself.

“You weren’t stupid. Not at all.” Rachel watched as Quinn walked away, shaking her head. “Can you please look at me? I’ve got some things I want to say.”

Quinn forced herself to meet Rachel’s eyes, surprised by how anxious she seemed. “I don’t want to hear you reject me again.”

“I don’t want to reject you.”

“What?” Quinn gaped at Rachel.

“I need you to let me talk. I’ve got a lot to explain but I’m afraid I’ll mess it up if I don’t get it out all at once.” Rachel shifted from one foot to another.

“I- Okay. Just tell me.” Quinn fought her natural instinct to talk over Rachel, to make her feel better. She needed to hear what Rachel had to say.

“I’m sorry for barging in like this. I badgered Frannie until she told me where you lived. I had to explain why I wouldn’t just ask you yourself. I finally had to tell her that nothing happened when you were in high school. I thought she was going to kill me when I told her what happened.” Rachel stopped, a horrified look on her face. “Oh, God, did I out you to your sister?”

“No, Frannie knows. Not about my feelings for you but that I’m gay.” Quinn rushed to reassure her.

“Good. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before I went to her.” Rachel shook her head. “I’m screwing this up. I’m normally much more coherent when giving a speech.”

“Relax. It’s just me. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Right.” Rachel tried to smile but couldn’t manage it. “The reason I turned you down that night wasn’t because I didn’t want you. You were 16 and I was 20. It couldn’t happen.”

“I know that. Why are you bring this up again?” Quinn asked, genuinely confused. She had no idea why Rachel want to talk about this. Quinn wanted to move on but it wouldn’t work if they were going to keep harping on it.

“Because even though it couldn’t happen, I wanted it to. I wanted you,” Rachel whispered, not meeting Quinn’s eyes.

“What?”

“Quinn, you’re so pretty and smart and talented. I was very much attracted to you.” Rachel began to pace. “But it was wrong. I shouldn’t have been.”

“I kissed you. It was okay.”

“No, it wasn’t. There’s four years between us. And it’s not a big deal now but back then, it was. And it was illegal for me to be thinking the things I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking?” Quinn asked, forgetting her promise to be quiet.

Rachel shook her head. “Not important.”

“It is to me. I always thought you saw me as a little kid. When did you stop?”

“God, you’re so stubborn.” Rachel sighed. “I haven’t seen you as a kid since the 1st summer I came home from school. Frannie had a pool party and I hadn’t seen you yet. I was talking to somebody when you came outside. You were wearing a two piece and I lost my breath. I couldn’t think of anything but you. You were gorgeous. And 14. I felt like such a pervert.”

“No way,” Quinn whispered, shock spreading across her face.

“It’s true. We’d become closer friends and I enjoyed spending time with you but when I saw you that day, I felt this jolt. It was inappropriate so I shoved it out of my mind and reminded myself that nothing could happen. And it worked. Until you kissed me.” Rachel glanced at Quinn, who could do nothing but stare back. “I felt so bad.”

“But why? I mean, I was 16, it wasn’t like I didn’t know what I was doing.” Quinn tried to tamp down the spike of hope that shot through her. She was positive she wouldn’t survive another heartbreak from Rachel.

“Maybe you did but no one else would have believed it.” Rachel shot Quinn a soft look. “And I cared about you too much to let you get hurt like that. I know I hurt you when I rejected you but it would have been so much worse.”

“How could it have been worse? I thought I wrecked everything. I made a fool of myself.”

“You didn’t. You were so brave.” Rachel stood up straighter, meeting Quinn’s eyes once again. “And that’s why I’m here. I want to be brave like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The past couple of years have been so hard. We hardly talked but I understood why you needed your distance. I wanted you to have a good high school experience, not tied down to a long distance girlfriend you couldn’t even tell anyone about.”

“I wouldn’t have cared about any of that.”

Rachel crossed the room until she was in front of Quinn. “I know that. But I didn’t want you to give anything up. And now- now I was hoping maybe you’d want to try now.”

“What?”

“I love you, Quinn. I have for a long time. And I think this is the right time for us. When you were applying for schools, I made myself bite my tongue. I didn’t want to pressure you to do anything. I wanted you to make the right decision for you. But you’re here. I know we’re still in different places in our lives but it feels like it’s okay. Like we’ll be okay. I guess what I’m saying is I want to be with you and I’m hoping it’s not too late.” Rachel held her breath as she waited for Quinn’s response.

“I- I don’t-” Quinn was at a total loss for words. She didn’t know how to respond.

“Oh, God.” Rachel covered her mouth and spun around. “I- You don’t want me anymore. I waited too long and you’ve moved on. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I did this. I’ll go. I-”

Rachel was cut off by Quinn trapping her against the door and capturing her lips. “You talk way too much.”

“Huh?” Rachel looked up at her, hands resting on Quinn’s waist.

“You’re silly. I’ve been in love with you since I was little.” Quinn kissed her teasingly.

“But-”

“No. You got to talk, now it’s my turn.” Quinn covered Rachel’s mouth with her hand. “Rachel, I tried to move on but it didn’t work. It couldn’t. I don’t want anyone else. I’ve loved you since I saw you sing the National Anthem when I was 6.”

“That doesn’t happen. You can’t mean that.”

“I do. I don’t mean that I feel the same now as I did then. Back then I just thought you were pretty and could sing. But then I got to know you and the feelings grew. Then I kissed you and I was done for. There’s nobody else for me.” Quinn smiled, a blush covering her face. “I love you, Rachel. We’re meant to be together and I’ve known it since I was 6 years old.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Rachel tugged her close. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I get that now. I’m glad you told me why.” Quinn chewed her lip. “It’s probably better that you didn’t tell me back then. I think it would have been too hard to know you wanted me but I couldn’t have you.”

“That sounds about right.” Rachel reached up and wrapped her arms around Quinn’s neck. “I’m so happy to be here with you. I was so afraid it wouldn’t happen. That maybe you hated me or were over me.”

“I’ll never be over you. I dreamed this would happen but I never really thought you’d love me like I love you.” Quinn’s lips quivered. Her emotions were becoming too much for her to stand.

“What’s this?” Rachel asked, wiping away Quinn’s tears.

“I’m just so happy. I- I think I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and this will all be a dream.”

“It’s not, it’s real and I’m going to prove it to you.” Rachel pushed Quinn back slightly, gazing up at her. “I want to take you on a date? Will you go out with me?”

Quinn nodded. “I’d go anywhere with you.”

“Great! I can’t wait to show you everything I love about New York.” Rachel bounced on her feet and Quinn giggled.

“That sounds exciting, but I want to take you out, too.”

“Of course. There will be plenty of time for that. Our lives are just beginning.” Rachel pulled Quinn down for another kiss.

“Oh. I like the sound of that,” Quinn spoke against Rachel’s lips. This was all she’d ever wanted and now that she had Rachel, she wasn’t ever letting her go.


End file.
